At some point, I have to stop making excuses and look at us in a place of love and growth.
When I ask you about “the plan” I am not asking for details. All I am asking you is where do I stand? Where are we? Do you still see me as far as me seeing you like the one I would love to marry?
When you choose to keep silent every time I ask you what’s wrong. I know that the silence holds a decision I have to accept—either we go forward or end it here.
When your eyes no longer hold directions and your actions no longer speak of our vision.
When you’re living yet, I still see you dying. Dying of the unspoken words, of the things that you wanted to do, but something’s holding you back.
I used to see your eyes light up every time you saw me, but now, the truth hides with an empty stare, as if you wanted to run away from me.
It breaks me every time I process what’s happening between us.
It breaks me that we have each other, yet, you feel empty, and I feel alone.
It breaks me that I have so much more for you, but it still gives you less.
I guess my love is no longer enough…
This is why I have to leave first before we make monsters out of ourselves and forget that once in our lives—we became each other’s heroes.
You saved me then; I am saving you now.
—from the poetry book, “To The Ones: The Letters I‘ve Kept Behind My Pillow”
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*image: Christian Buehner / Unsplash
