I still talk to you
in the quiet room—
looking at an empty chair.
I still listen to your voice in my head—
that excitement whenever I am home,
that sadness whenever you feel I am not okay,
that encouragement whenever I am going through tough times,
that reassurance that no matter what happens, you’re there.
The voice is so loud in my head—
it rams through my heart; a constant ache I now know so well.
Mama,
I want to tell you—
The roses in your garden look like hope—they are in full bloom,
yet, the thorns reminded me again
that the hands that nurtured, never mind if it bleeds…
is now gone—forever gone.
There are days that I still open your closet,
wear your clothes,
tuck myself into your side of the bed,
smell your perfume that I splattered on your pillow…
Oh, how I hate grief.
How I hate that any time, any day, it visits me,
no shame—just a reminder of the very thing
that I lost yet yearn to have it back…
one more time,
one more day,
one more year,
one more forever…
Mama,
The sky is so full of stars
and I hope you’re one of the stars looking down on me.
I hope you hear my quiet prayer
in every breath I am taking.
I hope you know
that everything I do, and everything I become,
carries a trace of you.
And if the stars in the sky truly listen…
I hope they catch my words—
the ones unspoken, the ones unwritten—
then let its stardust sparkle on your soul,
my endless thank yous.
Happy Mother’s Day, Mama.
I miss you.
I love you.
And I’ll see you
when my time comes.
—
*image: kim sung jin / unsplash
