I used to wait for signs.
A white rose?
A butterfly?
A rainbow—
falling stars at night.
I wait patiently for that divine green light,
Because I believe it always means; 𝐈𝐭’𝐬 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞…
To go,
To decide,
To take the leap or not,
Or to simply just be in the right.
But life doesn’t come with a manual,
It is in moments…
Sometimes—
too raw,
too painful,
too complicated moments where you’re being asked
to choose with trembling hands,
a stuttered voice,
and a bleeding heart.
Many times—
I chose love,
even when it didn’t choose me back.
There were times
I chose to say nothing
because I’m certain,
if anyone would hear my voice—
it would’ve burned the whole bridge down.
Though there were also times
that I chose myself—
not because I was fine
or that it was the right thing to do,
but because I was tired of not being chosen
by the very people I expect to hold my pieces—
because it was them who broke me in the first place.
And—it hurt.
𝐈𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥.
But still…
I chose.
I held my head up.
And I kept going.
Because sometimes,
the most powerful thing you can do
is 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐰𝐚𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧—
but to find that courage and say…
“𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆.”
Not tomorrow
or another tomorrow.
Not when I’m stronger.
Not when I can.
Not when I’m ready.
Not when it makes sense.
𝑵𝒐𝒘.
I choose.
I begin.
And I won’t apologize
for being brutally honest at times,
If it means I save my heart for yet—another heartache.
—
*image: jon tyson / unsplash
